Ignorance is Bliss?

I just had a conversation with an online friend who was unaware of my losses. He was stating how if you just look at life positively, positive things will happen to you. Well, let me tell you, sweet little easygoing me just let him have it!! I am still shaking!! I said, yeah, I used to believe that way until I lost a husband and two babies. Argh!! People shouldn't talk about things they know nothing about! Just because your life has gone peachy so far, doesn't mean you are in control of what happens! ARgh, ARgh, ARGH!!!! Okay, vent over!

Levi's Tree

This is Levi's tree....... An Autumn Glory maple..... We chose a tree for Levi that would look glorious in his birth month of October. My in-laws kindly sent us the circular memory stones to put at the base of the tree, which has Levi's name and date on it.

A Blossom for Kailey

A blossom on Kailey's tree...... You can see the pink hyacinths beneath..... I chose pink because I know in my heart that our little Kailey would be *all girl*. Pink and lace and roses like her mommy.

Kailey's Tree

We planted this tree for Kailey just this past Sunday, something we have wanted to do for Kailey ever since her too-soon-birth&passing. It is a pink dogwood. You can see it in the front of the picture, with the pink hyacinths I planted around the base...... This is about 20-30 feet from Levi's tree, which I'll share in another post. Just past the larger trees is a creek that flows through the front of our land...... The bench is a place to rest and feel a bit closer to our babies, while we sit by their trees.

Forcing My Way Into Happiness

Do you ever try to talk yourself into happiness? I do that. I'm doing that now. Looking all around me, trying to see the positive, searching for the beauty in life so I can be happy. I used to be such a happy optimistic person. From all outward appearances, I still am. No one wants to see the ugly bruised and bleeding part of me that I hide inside. I still want to be that sunny rosey happy person that I used to be. But I am forever changed. Is there a REAL part of me, that's still happy, still somewhere deep inside, wanting to fight its way out and replace the fake plastic facade that I wear now? I have to hope so.

For Levi

My son Levi was stillborn at 29 weeks on October 11, 2002. This blog is about losing him and life without him.